Lunch, Nov 12th: A Meal I Simply Cannot Eat

A Meal I Simply Cannot Eat

Not if you want me to live, that is.

So in the introduction post I said that I was allergic to shellfish. And I am. I was once rushed to the emergency room with hives due to cross contamination at my undergraduate university. And it was merely because the shrimp was cooked on the same grill as the steak I ate. Granted, my immune system was very weak at the time, but still I must be wary.

So when I saw that today's lunch included:

Brussels Sprouts
Pilaf with Peppers
Coconut Shrimp in Mango Sauce

I was disappointed. Well, no, let me rephrase that. I was livid. When the only protein served is SHRIMP there goes the entire meal for me. To prevent the need for me to either take a handful of benedryl and pass out for the day or get rushed to the emergency room I have to avoid all proteins that could have been grilled together. And then the vegetables are my least favorite?

I gave up. This is one of the only days when I refused to even sample anything.


The Verdict:
STOP TRYING TO KILL ME, DINING HALL.

Lunch, Nov. 11th: Veteran's Day

Veteran's Day

And this is the stuffed we served them?

There was a large crowd of middle-aged men in the dining hall yesterday. I felt bad that they served and we thanked them with the following food. Oh, and since it was a holiday we only had one morning meal: brunch. So we get a sample of breakfast and lunch under the hot lamps!

Mexican Rice: Like the previous "African Pilaf," I'm not exactly sure what makes this rice "Mexican." I can sure tell you one thing about it, though, it tasted like nothing. It was over cooked and mushy and tasted of nothing. It didn't even taste like rice. How can rice not taste like rice. But you, faithful readers, object: "What about all that color - isn't it spices?" To which I must only reply with a forlorn head-shake.

Corn with Peppers: Look the dual vegetable again... And it's still peppers. And guess what the corn tasted like. Peppery corn. Actually it was doubly peppery, as I could taste the peppers and then the black pepper that had been used in it's creation. Bleck.

Kielbasa:You know what. It was edible. It was moist and had good flavor. But that's kielbasa's default. But the dining hall didn't screw it up.

Scrambled Eggs: Aside from the fact that the heat lamps like to suck the moisture out of the eggs (and it's eggs from a carton and not real eggs), the scrambled eggs here are never bad. You just have to scoop from the bottom of the tray to get the ones not exposed. They're bland, but they're eggs. I ate them all.

Beef Taco: So, while the breakfast food were good and edible, this was not. The taco shells were stale and the meat just tasted wrong. Add to the equation that the meat was not drained so that when I lifted the taco all of the grease dripped down my hand and my arm, the meal became completely unappetizing. The meat tasted almost like they'd taken the hamburger patties and chopped them up and cooked it for taco meat. Ugh.

The Verdict:
I didn't want to eat this. So I didn't. I went to the waffle bar and made myself a mediocre waffle. And since it was a holiday, here's the picture.

The waffle maker likes to mangle the waffles; but at least it was tasty. Quite tasty.

Lunch, Nov 9th: Just Not Worth the Effort

Just Not Worth the Effort

Corn with Peppers: I am starting to tire of this two-vegetable-combo that the dining hall has been putting out so often. I'm alright with corn, I don't prefer it, but it's not bad. But once they just make it all taste like peppers: what is there to like anymore. It was the basic taste of corn, but then an aftertaste of peppers. I'm sure it's a nice combo to those people out there who like peppers. I'm sure.

Brussels Sprouts: Look who's here again. My nemesis. Delightful. And I tried it again. They over-salted again. Which is probably a good thing for me as they tasted less of ashes and more of salt.

Vegetarian Lasagna: These little personal plates of lasagna came right out of the oven and right under the heating lamp as soon as I walked up. That having happened, you think the food would be warm in the middle. It was sort of just... room temperature. When a dining staff member warns me about hot food, I expect it to scald-the-mouth-hot, not merely lukewarm. And to top it all off the whole thing was bland. The ricotta was good, but the zucchini inside had no flavor and every level of the lasagna was the same: zucchini.

The Verdict:
Going to lunch simply wasn't worth it. When the food is as bad and bland as above, normally one can go to the grill and order a grilled cheese, burger, or fries. But today it was closed and replaced by a "grill your own sandwich bar" which had more less appetizing things to eat. I do not expect my dining hall to make me question why I eat anything at all.

Lunch, Nov 8th: Oh, that's just not right...

Oh, that's just not right...

The above quote comes from the beloved movie Galaxy Quest and was uttered by the awesome Guy Fleegman (played by Sam Rockwell). And what else is there to say about the meal featured above?

Jamaican Jerk Chicken: Starting with the blob of brown stuff on this plate, is something posing as chicken. When I first bit it, I was overwhelmed by the spices coating the outside. As I chewed all of the spice fell off and I was left with a bland piece of chicken. How something could have been so overpoweringly flavorful one moment and then the next have no flavor is beyond me - but somehow this dining hall managed to pull it off.

Rice: That's all it was labeled, but sure as hell there's more in that white blob than just rice. In that picture it looks a bit like sticks. That would have almost been preferable. Instead it was big clumps of sage. So even when I only ate the rice (I stayed clear of the then mysterious green stuff) all I tasted was sage. Today, at least, the rice wasn't crunchy. Instead it was far too overcooked.

Orange Carrots: I know what you're thinking: well of course ORANGE carrots, what other kinds of carrots could there be? Actually quite a lot of other colors, but that's not the point. The point is that "orange" does not refer to the color. Just to let you know, cooked carrots don't usually have a sauce that vibrant. Hell, they don't usually have a sauce. The moment I put one of those pieces in my mouth, I knew something was horribly wrong. Those carrots tasted only of orange. THEY TASTED JUST LIKE A GORRAM ORANGE. The texture was all wrong, though, so I started to cough it up, my body confused.

The Verdict:
Oh, that's just not right -- for everything. Seriously. Is there any other response to magically disappearing seasoning, squishy sage rice, and that CARROT MONSTROSITY? No. There are no other words.

Dinner, Nov. 7th: Not Quite

Not Quite

Just as a forewarning now. I do not always eat nor am I always able to document my meals at this dining hall. I have a part-time job, internship, and a full graduate course load.

I bring you now this delightful meal:

Steamed Peas and Carrots: I couldn't really be too disappointed with frozen veggies from a bag. They didn't taste bad. Thought it would have helped if they were cold.

Primavera Casserole: I believe the dining hall was going for something like this. However, what they got was that big ball of gloop pictured above. It consisted of red peppers, zucchini, summer squash, and some sort of cheese over macaroni. It was sad to look at, but at first it didn't taste all that bad. After I'd been chewing, though, it began to taste... off. It sort of reminded me of milk that had sat out too long. Or even mayonnaise (which I can't stand either). The vegetables weren't too bad in it, though they were still covered in that cheese.

Beef Burgundy: Or at least that's what the meal card at the dining hall said. But this looks nothing like the real Boeuf Bourguignon. And what's that in the sauce? Why it's my two least favorite vegetables: mushrooms and onions. I decided to steer clear of the vegetables entirely and just have at the beef. And boy was that a mistake. It tasted like mushrooms, onions, and cheep powdered gravy sauce. I couldn't even finish the bite.

Brown Rice: I followed my attempt at the Beef Burgundy with a mouthful of rice. It was crunchy. 

The Verdict:

Failure all around, but just barely. The dining hall really wanted to pull off something good, but instead gave this performance. Everything was just a little wrong -- well except for the beef burgundy, which was just wrong. If I was a middle school teacher, I would really have wanted to pass this struggling child so that they could go on to high school, but would know in my heart that they weren't ready for such a move. 

This meal could have been a failed coming of age movie in the inter-city.

Dinner, Nov. 3rd: Pepper Is King

Pepper is King

There seem to be disturbing themes running through the dining hall. Today was no different. Seasoning, specifically pepper, is the apparent blood supply of this food. Oh, goody. Counter-clockwise from the left we have:

African Pilaf: What exactly makes this pilaf "African" is uncertain, it looks and generally tastes like pilaf. I say generally, because the rice was crunchy. *sigh*

Brussels Sprouts: I have always hated this vegetable. To me, they taste of ashes. This batch was no exception, but this batch also tasted like ashes with pepper in them. Those black dots on the carrots are on the sprouts as well and they're straight up pepper.

Carrots: Carrots are my second favorite cooked vegetable (zucchini wins first place). So I will generally like them, unless they are seriously screwed. Raw carrots are not appealing to me, so when I bit into these to discover that they were A) Half Cooked B) Cold and C) Over peppered, I was rather sad. I ate them all, though, as I still gorram love carrots.

Beef: Today's label was straight forward: BEEF. And aside from the obvious over-use of pepper, it was tender and rather good. Then again, I did flip over a tremendous amount of meat atop it, so that I wouldn't have one dried out by the heat lamps.

Pasta and Pepper Saute: At least this one came right out and proclaimed the pepper-ness. The pasta was cooked well, and sat nicely in butter. However, all it tasted like was green peppers. And, as you can see in the photo above, there were other vegetable in this "pasta and pepper saute." Most importantly was my favorite vegetable, zucchini. It also tasted like green peppers.

The Verdict:
I like pepper, I really do. However, I don't like this EXTREME level of pepper. Nor do I like the vegetable pepper, but that's beside the point. The point is I went and got a salad after all of this.

Lunch, Nov. 2nd: Decepticons

So here we are, at the start of the journey to document the dining hall food. I've decided to use the food solely under the heat lamps (as the dining hall offers "stir fry" and a "sandwich bar"). So without further ado:

Decepticons:

Starting from the left and moving counter-clockwise we have:

Portebella Mushroom
As I have previously stated, I hate mushrooms. This was the only protein option under the heat lamps today, so on the plate it went. I "tried" it. That means I smelled it and nibbled a tiny corner. To people who like mushrooms, this wouldn't be that bad. It's masked mostly by spinach, squash, and what I presume is melted cheese (those white blobs). But to me it tasted of gross, which is what mushrooms always taste like to me. Bleck.

Blanched Broccoli with Red Peppers
When I first picked this up, I swore it was cauliflower. But the sign firmly proclaimed that it was blanched broccoli. I didn't even know one could blanche broccoli, but these days food can do anything. When I ate some guess what it tasted like? Nothing, with a vague aftertaste of broccoli - just to prove, you know, that it wasn't cauliflower after all. I did not eat the red peppers, as I don't like them and already had to make the concession to try the mushroom.

Smashed Turnips
I know what you're thinking - but that looks exactly like squash. You love squash, Augusta! I do. I love it indeed. However, these are smashed turnips. I am not a fan of the turnip. It's not that I hate them, but merely that every time I've tried them they've been mediocre at best. Smashed turnips, however, I can finally proclaim: Bleck. Perhaps it was all in preparation, for all I could taste was salt. And I like salty things; I often add salt to my soup because it's not salty enough. No joke. These however, were a salt lick posing as squash.

The Verdict:
 Today's lunch was bizarre, even by the normal standards of this dining hall. Everything hid as something it wasn't. I was half expecting the juice machine to turn into a Decepticon and have that horrid Shia LaBeouf come running through the doors. And then Optimus Prime would have come and beat some serious ass.

You know what, that would have been a much better lunch.